Upcoming Hailstorm Raid (Humor)

Satyrnine
Satyrnine
Strike-force Captain
Joined Apr 2013 Posts: 862

Hailstorm Raid New Hull... The Megalodon Submarine!

Based of the sunken hull of a Proto-Nemesis, this submarine incorporates advances in hydrodynamic research to provide super-cavitating technology and remote thermal targeting to any weapon equipped. That's right, the Megalodon can target and fire any equipped weapon, regardless of type, upon any vessel within the range of a Phantom Nighthawk, Nighthawk, Interceptor or Viper Interdictor while submerged! It's thermal targeting system homes in on the ship's power plant rendering attempts to evade weapons fire useless (bypasses all evade). It's nuclear fuel cell power plant allows the Megalodon to remain submerged indefinitely and achieve a combat speed of 30! The strategic placement of the power plant deep within the massive hull renders it invisible to thermal imaging. It has following defense bonuses should the captain chose to surface it: +50% (Bypass Impervious) Penetrative Defense, +75 Explosive Defense, +50 Ballistic Defence +75 Radiation Defense and +50 Concussive Defense. The Megalodon's sheer size allows it to mount twenty weapons or any type, ten armor and six specials as well as carrying two special "Dractical" modules: The Launch Pad Tactical Module (a separate 12 million point TIer V prize) allows for the instantly launch and delivery to target of Daisy Cutters, Widowmakers, Bunker Busters, Depth Charge or Pinch Rockets! Also available is the special Mako Drone Tactical Module, which launches submerged, concussive-armed drones equipped with sonar and thermal imaging (a separate 20 million point Tier V Prize). When mounted on the Megalodon, both modules maybe used while submerged and can only be mounted on the Megalodon (the Megalodon may mount any other tactical module and operate it submerged).

Also available is the Frenzied Megalodon Flagship. Every weapon fired from the Frenzied Megalodon is considered to have a Cryogenic Radioactive Napalm modifier and splits into six submunitions prior to impact. The Frenzied Megalodon Is a 100 million point special raid flagship hull.

The Megalodon limited hull is a bargain at the low cost of 50 million raid points (10 max) or through a one-time payment to Kixeye of $1000. (Bank wire transfer, Paypal, Visa, Mastercard, 3 kilos of cocaine or spare kidney accepted). If ordering this way, double-down (just $2000, 5 kilos or a lung/kidney combo) to receive the Frenzied Megalodon along with the Viper Interdictor, Interceptor and Nighthawk hulls as a bonus! (Viper Interdictor, Interceptor and Nighthawk hulls will not be awarded as prizes this raid).


I hope everyone enjoyed this as much I did writing it. :p

As for fanatics and haters, well, flame on!
Joss Whedon called... He would like his Reavers back. The producers of the Buck Rogers TV series also left a message. It was something about the Draconian Empire...
  • swify
    swify
    Minor Nuisance
    Joined Dec 2013 Posts: 158
    lmao well nice to see someone still has some humor 
  • screenwriter
    screenwriter
    Force to be Reckoned With
    Joined Dec 2012 Posts: 1,646
    Apparently the new sub is called the Krakken, though it looks like we can't win it, at least not yet. If and when the time for that comes however, I will honestly believe the entire idea has been orchestrated solely for the purpose of giving players a legitimate excuse to scream "UNLEASH THE KRAKKEN!" when they launch the fleet hahaha
  • Vendeck222
    Vendeck222
    Potential Threat
    Joined May 2014 Posts: 31
    no it is the d104n cryo luancher
  • Vendeck222
    Vendeck222
    Potential Threat
    Joined May 2014 Posts: 31
    I just got the raid ad early for some reason
  • stalker371
    stalker371
    Potential Threat
    Joined Aug 2014 Posts: 96
    HAILSTORM NEXT RAID STARTS 11/13/2014
    "Infiltration was successful, Captains. Forsaken crews broke into the Draconian vaults and managed to locate the first cryo blueprint. Though they failed to extract it, we've now pinpointed the hiding location. The Cryo Launcher D104-N is within our grasp. This advanced technology will freeze the Draconians in their tracks. Prepare your forces. Hailstorm begins 11/13,
    Rumors have started to trickle in about a secret Draconian monster sub.This beast has been seen surfacing in random locations around the map, never staying long enough to be targeted. Only the bravest captains should hunt this elusive ship and capture its rewards.
    Captains, prepare your fleets for the expedition to the arctic. Lay siege to the Draconians and earn points for the Cryo Launcher D104-N or the ultra-fast Frostburn Interceptor flagship. For a special mission, search the waters and try to take down the elusive Kraken submarine for special rewards.

    currently level 66
    dont care for medals
    hulls won: HHa, HHb, SSa, Berserker, Barracuda, Goliath, Kodiak, Nighthawk, Mauler, Rampart, Atlas Carrier, Battleship, Juggernaut, Sawfish, Strike Cruiser, Super fortress, mastadon, avenger,etc
    been to many sectors not all. 
  • DeathStorm13
    DeathStorm13
    Incursion Leader
    Joined Aug 2014 Posts: 1,025
    HAILSTORM NEXT RAID STARTS 11/13/2014
    "Infiltration was successful, Captains. Forsaken crews broke into the Draconian vaults and managed to locate the first cryo blueprint. Though they failed to extract it, we've now pinpointed the hiding location. The Cryo Launcher D104-N is within our grasp. This advanced technology will freeze the Draconians in their tracks. Prepare your forces. Hailstorm begins 11/13,
    Rumors have started to trickle in about a secret Draconian monster sub.This beast has been seen surfacing in random locations around the map, never staying long enough to be targeted. Only the bravest captains should hunt this elusive ship and capture its rewards.
    Captains, prepare your fleets for the expedition to the arctic. Lay siege to the Draconians and earn points for the Cryo Launcher D104-N or the ultra-fast Frostburn Interceptor flagship. For a special mission, search the waters and try to take down the elusive Kraken submarine for special rewards.
    So basicly an illussive seek and destory mission vs an ultra sub and god knows what more .....
    Normal work day at Kixeye . I had Jail Bars Twice does that make me an Double Badass ?
  • Krondrin
    Krondrin
    Force to be Reckoned With
    Joined Feb 2014 Posts: 1,729
    Oh look another sub.  Oh look another flagship.

    It's already more disappointing than this season's Doctor Who reveal of Missy and her friends.
  • R-A-S_DK
    R-A-S_DK
    Greenhorn
    Joined Jun 2013 Posts: 1
    Hilarious, unfortunately it is something kix would probably do if it could make them even a nickel.
    Tacos
  • Satyrnine
    Satyrnine
    Strike-force Captain
    Joined Apr 2013 Posts: 862
    edited 7 Nov 2014, 3:07AM
    no it is the d104n cryo luancher
    Being poor and coinless, this raid really isn't any more an option for me then the last. I could get to tier II last raid and picked up stuff I didn't have so it wasn't a complete waste of time, but I really don't have a use for the stuff I picked up. It was all obsolete tech in the light cruiser/marauder tonnage range. So that's why I have turned to humor.

    I understand there is some whispering of Kixeye accepting 2 pints of blood for a one-time decreased repair time, live harvest skin for one-time instant repairs and a full bone marrow donation for 1/4 repair time all raid long!
    Joss Whedon called... He would like his Reavers back. The producers of the Buck Rogers TV series also left a message. It was something about the Draconian Empire...
  • Loco266
    Loco266
    Unicorn Overlord
    Joined Apr 2013 Posts: 5,719
    edited 7 Nov 2014, 8:52AM
    Satyrnine said:
    no it is the d104n cryo luancher
    Being poor and coinless, this raid really isn't any more an option for me then the last. I could get to tier II last raid and picked up stuff I didn't have so it wasn't a complete waste of time, but I really don't have a use for the stuff I picked up. It was all obsolete tech in the light cruiser/marauder tonnage range. So that's why I have turned to humor.

    I understand there is some whispering of Kixeye accepting 2 pints of blood for a one-time decreased repair time, live harvest skin for one-time instant repairs and a full bone marrow donation for 1/4 repair time all raid long!
    Equally poor, coinless and a lower level than you, but with the new hulls and weapons (minus Avenger) from last raid and the one before it....

    For god's sake people they are NOT that bad if you actually strategize....
    I'm starting to understand Magic Bunny's perspective...
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