Alright, post the best jokes you have here, and let's see who's can make you piss yourself laughing. I'll start off with mine.
One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent
that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home
from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told
her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed
by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could
stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill
effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before
I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the
way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I
took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the
telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she
returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed
were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable,
so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted
my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it
smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a
pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me
vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more.
The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully
tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for
another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the
telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned
the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded
my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My
face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned,
apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the
blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the
blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused:
"Happy Birthday!" I fainted!
In-game name: Cyanide Sandwich
Home Sector: 21 Ship Design Discussion Group (Open to all): https://www.facebook.com/groups/118022991724717/
KIXEYE logic is the only logic and you ain't never logic'd till you've KIXEYE logic'd.